This morning I ran.
I've run on many mornings, though. But today, it was different: my mind began to wander.
Before, my mind has wondered, rather than wandered: I've wondered if I would be able to complete my run without my lungs exploding. I wondered what in the world I was thinking, to start running at my age and weight. I wondered if I'd ever start to feel better while running. I wondered if I'd ever begin to lose weight again and wondered if that would help me feel better while running. I wondered if I collapsed if anyone would ever find me, or if my running partner (aka Sophie) would abandon me or turn into Lassie and go get Timmy to help, even though I don't know any Timmy.
Today, though, my mind wandered. I thought about my day, my job, my farm, school, the horses, my pets.... I noticed the beautiful sunrise and thought about the music I was listening to. Before I realized it, I had already completed the first mile.
And to my everlasting disbelief, I was still able to breathe.
I was running late this morning, so I had only planned on a mile or so, but I ran a full two miles. Then something wonderful happened: during the last quarter mile, I actually began to feel physically tired.
I realized that my body had began to wear down and I could still breathe at a relatively moderate level. I know for many people (me included, up until today), this really doesn't make any sense, but when it happened to me today, it was like bursting through a huge, invisible wall that had been standing in my way this whole time. It started taking more energy to move my legs, to carry my body down that road. My lungs weren't heaving and my chest wasn't in pain. I wasn't light-headed or cramped. I became physically tired before my cardiovascular system forced me into a full retreat.
I don't know enough about running yet to know what this is called, or if it's simply so elementary that it's not even a subject of interest, but for me today was a breakthrough day. I felt like I could have even ran further and longer. My breathing wasn't the controlling factor. I could tell my legs to keep carrying me, and they listened. My lungs worked with my body, instead of against it, begging it to go back home, sit on the couch and eat a Ding Dong.
So this morning, for the first time, I really ran.