Thursday, September 2, 2010

Way Too Many Kids

I get teased a lot about my zoo, which is perfectly fine. I mean, what can I say? I do have a zoo!

But I find it funny when people who have a half-dozen kids comment on my zoo. Last I checked, you can't leave your kid in a kennel overnight, or lock them in a stall so they'll stay clean before you take them somewhere.

My "kids" might be hairy, crawl around on all fours and talk funny, but I still love 'em. As far as I'm concerned, I've got it easy.

I can leave them in the house all day long while I'm gone, and they'll entertain themselves with bits of wadded up foil and chasing their own tails.

I can let them roam around outside, chasing squirrels and eating all sorts of unmentionable nasty things.

If I need to leave for a few days, I can put out a roundbale for them to eat off of, fill up a couple of stock tanks for them to drink out of, and let them graze on the bermuda. Friends and family check on them, but the authorites are never concerned about me leaving 4 kids all under the age of four on their own for hours at a time.

I can call them names, like "Frankenhorse," and they'll never grow up to have mental issues or send me their therapy bills. In fact, they can become very un-frankenhorse-like and never know that they used to have body image troubles at all.

I can leave them outside all night and no one will hollar. I even know exactly where they'll be come curfew time. I can have a kid named "Bambi" and not worry about her ending up wrapped around a stripper pole.

I can fence them off and leave them in their pen outside all day long and put their food on the ground, and SRS will not come knocking.

Now don't get me wrong. My kids have pretty darned good, even enviable lives. They're not want for anything--they are well-fed, have all their neccessary care, and I spend quite a bit of time giving them all as much attention as I can. The most common adjective people use to describe my kids? "Spoiled."

All I'm saying is that they'll never ask me for the keys to the car, or need a college fund.

Proud that my bumper sticker reads: "My kids irritate the allergies of your honor roll student,"


Kate said...

Your kids all look great!

Jessie McCandless said...

Thanks, Kate!!

Static Theory said...

I need that bumper sticker.

and your kids look absolutely wonderful, every last one of them. they look better than the Starbuck's-drinking sloppy bun-wearing kids i see around here.