According to the Stars

No! Not those stars!!

While I think it's fun to look at one's horoscope, I'm a realist and don't believe that someone sitting in an office somewhere, studying star charts and making vague predictions could possible be able to tell me with any kind of accuracy what's in store for me on any given day.

That's just not how I roll.

But it's still fun. Call it a guilty pleasure. A secret guilty pleasure (that's not so secret anymore). I do look at them. I do read them. I do go back a day and see if yesterday's was the least bit correct at all.

So this evening I see on Yahoo that they've released 2010's Horoscopes. I'm a Virgo, thank you very much:

Year 2010 Overview

Whew! Feel that enormous burden sliding off of your shoulders, like you've been carrying around an overstuffed backpack for the last couple of years? That would be Saturn, planet of structures and limitation, moving out of your sign. Congratulations, first of all, on having simply made it through more or less in one piece. You passed through the fire and made it out the other side.

Now, what to do with that spiritual Medal of Honor you've earned? Well, for one thing, establish who it is you really are with both yourself and those around you. Your ability to quietly endure both the big and little outrages of life have served you well in the last couple of years, and many of those around you may have come to assume that either it wasn't as rough on you as it was, or that you are somehow made of steel. In fact, you may have come to the same conclusion yourself. Virgo has a reputation for being able to take care of others with the best of them -- but can you turn that same care and attention on yourself? That's the big question you'll be facing in 2010.

The good news (beyond simply less bad news) is that there will be all kinds of opportunities opening up for you in new directions as far as fun, recreation and romance. So take advantage of those whenever you can. You've earned it!

Wouldn't that be great if that were true? Hot dog! I could use less bad news!! The past two years have certainly been a trial, between losing two dogs and seven horses, my marriage falling apart, becoming unemployed and homeless (and trying to work my way back up to having a stable life again), and having serious back issues, it's been a little bit of a bumpy ride.

And this whole time Saturn was to blame. That crafty Saturn. Well, I'm glad they went out of business!

Then while looking for a Virgo-appropriate picture, I find this funny little graphic:

In corresponding order, my response to each of these 10 reasons:

10. I'm not as critical as you might think, although the title to the left should really read "Top 10 Reasons You're A Virgo" to be grammatically correct.

9. I always thought my motto was "Whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly."

8. Obviously vehicles are exempt from the Virgo "neat and clean" requirement.

7. I'm so worried about the baggage retrieval system they've got at Heathrow.

6. What a lovely way to say that. Usually I'm just a nit-picky B~!

5. Thanks, Folks. I'll be here all week. Try the Veal.

4. Huh? What does astrology have to do with the bowels? It's not asstrology!

3. Not applicable. *snifle*

2. I don't know how many times I have to say this, but just because I have to turn the lights on 14 times when I enter a room or the oceans will dry up does not mean I have OCD (and it's OBSESSIVE-compulsive, not excessive--I should know).

1. Well, yeah!!!