I have a very important matter to discuss with every dog owner out there.
This is a very important matter, so please listen up.
Since the beginning of time, us doggies have stayed by your side and have asked very little in return. You call us your best friend, yet we are denied the few simple pleasures that we crave.
I'd like to make a plea on behalf of all the doggies out there: please just give us a break once in a while. Okay?
For instance, you dress us up in silly clothes, laugh and take pictures,
Yet you yell at us for eating the yummy frozen road apples the giant mutant doggies leave behind. Honestly, does it hurt anyone for us to eat those scrumptious road apples?
Then you expect us to co-exist with the kitty without ever chasing them and we're expected to resist the temptation of the litterbox?!
Don't you think you're asking for a bit too much here?
Oh! And when you come home from your hours and hours away from the house (when I'm sitting here thinking all day that you're going to be gone forever and ever), the least you could do is bring home a bag full of treats when you return.
Okay. Thank you for your cooperation.